WELCOME TO THE GOOSE GALLEY
A rare glimpse inside the kitchen of the world’s most exalted avian culinary mind. Here, Chef Gérard de Plume delivers hyper-refined interpretations of nature’s wild bounty — thoughtfully adapted for the human palate. From foraged flight grains to ceremonial broths, every recipe is a portal to greatness. Please remove your shoes and lower your expectations.
The Beak, The Myth, The Legend
Born in the misty marshlands of Les Oeufs D’Or, France, Chef Gérard de Plume was no ordinary gosling. By the age of 3 weeks, he was already outpacing his peers in seed selection and palate development.
After humiliating the competition at the prestigious École Cordon Oie, he graduated with highest honors (and several lawsuits). De Plume achieved decorated officer rank for his heroics during the great Migration Crisis of 1958. He has been celebrated across multiple elite divisions of GOOSEFORCE for his escape from a Gulag in Siberia after successfully weaponizing borscht in captivity. His illustrious career includes 27 Michelin stars earned across an elite roster of fine dining establishments:
- L’Assiette du Nid
- Le Jardin des Plumes Perdues
- Coup de Bec Gastronomique
- La Mare au Foie
Forage en Vol: A Gastronomic Study in Altitude
“This is not merely a dish. It is a declaration of altitude supremacy.”
Ingredients:
- ¾ cup millet, cooked and cooled
- 2 tbsp flaxseed meal
- ½ cup fresh sorrel (or arugula + lemon juice)
- ½ cup plain Greek yogurt
- ¼ cup fermented blueberries (or fresh + splash of vinegar)
- 1 small fennel bulb, thinly sliced
- Salt, olive oil, fresh ground pepper
- Optional Protein: Grilled halloumi, poached chicken breast, or tofu slices
Instructions:
- Blend millet with flaxseed and 2 tbsp water. Spread thin on parchment and bake at 350°F for 20 minutes to form a crisp tuile.
- Wilt sorrel and blend with yogurt until it whispers of bitterness and war stories.
- Lightly blanch fennel in salted water until it confesses.
- Plate yogurt–sorrel mist with swooping drama. Top with millet tuile, fennel ribbons, and fermented blueberries. Serve at cruising altitude.
Chef’s Note: “Do not attempt this dish without proper wind resistance training. Flavor without danger is just snacking.”
— Chef Gérard de Plume
SUBMIT YOUR RECIPE TO BE JUDGED… (HARSHLY)
Think you can impress de Plume? Submit your recipe below — but be warned, Chef’s standards are unreasonable and his commentary often vicious. If your creation survives his scrutiny, it may be featured (with shameful annotations).
De Plume Reviews (Coming Soon)
“A bold attempt, though tragically pedestrian in its seasoning. I wept — but not with joy. If I was Karen from Goat Hill, OH, I would think twice before hosting any dinner parties. If you do, don’t be surprised if your guests bring their own salad dressing. I would encourage you but that would be like teaching a sloth to become an Olympic sprinter. May a soup ladle never be humiliated by the tragedy of your reflection.”
Coming Soon: Kitchen Discipline Protocols
Always wash your celery. Sharpen your knives. And do NOT mention cumin.