Welcome to Really Real Fake Stuff — GOOSEFORCE’s official satire desk, soaring above the truth since 2025. Every week, we bring you the latest in parody news, absurd dispatches, and chaotic honks from across the Goose universe and beyond.
Beaking News – Vol 2 – April 2025 | Really Real Fake Stuff
GOOSEFORCE ANNOUNCES THE $19,999 GOOSETRUCK™
Covered entirely in feathers, equipped with half a wheel, a stick of gum, and a questionable sense of superiority, the GOOSETRUCK™ is GOOSEFORCE’s bold entry into tactical ground transport. Experts say it “handles like a bread loaf in zero-G.” Not quite Cyber, and undercutting Slate. It is something for everyone, or no one.
🌦 Weather in Boring, Oregon
Today’s forecast: dreary with occasional bouts of philosophical reflection. Pack an umbrella and a healthy dose of apathy.
Source: AccuWeather
WOODPECKER HANNIBAL RETURNS TO ROCKPORT
Over 700 homes allegedly pecked. “He once knocked out an ostrich in 7 seconds,” confirmed Goose HQ custodian Dirk Featherworth, who went to high school with the bird. “We all called him Hannibal behind his back.” No one’s made eye contact since. Original story
🥔 Dinner Debate Ends in Scalloped Tragedy
An argument over falling coconut vs shark fatalities escalated when one guest suffered catastrophic starch burns. It is the first confirmed incident of death by scalloped potatoes.
BILLIONAIRE CELEBRATES JUDGE ARREST FROM HIS VOLCANO LAIR
Moments after the arrest of Wisconsin judge Hannah Duggan, one tech mogul erupted with joy in his creepy high-tech volcano lair. GOOSEFORCE confirms lava levels rose with his mood.
REALITY SHOW “RED HAT VS GOOSE” CANCELLED MID-SEASON
Last week we reported on a new gameshow that had rapidly become a hit with a dedicated cult following. Unfortunately, the early success has been short lived. A goose showed up on set wearing a red hat. Host Bob Beaker, confused, stormed off set and locked himself in his makeup trailer. The series was instantly pulled.
⛳ The Simulator Simulator™
New from Gooseforce Labs: a golf sim that simulates you using a golf sim. The new must-have rec room device is sure to improve your golf sim game.
CHEF GÉRARD DE PLUME OPENS ‘BILL’
Diners are greeted with a chef curated bill and a single mint. The restaurant decor is described as “modern marshland.” Early visitors have been wowed by its dedication to consistency, some even having received their bill before being seated. One patron described the experience as “transcendental.” Minimum tip: 30%.
GOOSEFORCE SUBMITS NHL EXPANSION REQUEST
No arena. No budget. No problem. GOOSEFORCE eyes 2030 for a pond-to-pro transition. “Thunder Bay, ON is a city we are considering. It has always been a great landing spot, right on our migratory path. We are also looking to avoid Pearson airport at all cost.”